Why High Performers Struggle with Stillness
If you’re used to running hot, “down time” can feel like falling behind. The nervous system treats stillness as a threat, so you fill the calendar, add inputs, and chase stimulation. Eventually, productivity blurs into compulsion. The fix isn’t another hack; it’s retraining your system to feel safe without performing.
The Being–Doing Boundary (5-Minute Practice)
-
Sit comfortably.
-
Notice your body. Name sensations - warmth, tension, restlessness.
-
Watch the impulse to do. Emails to send, ideas to capture, problems to solve.
-
Don’t suppress; don’t follow. Say, “Noticing.” Return to being.
-
Finish with one breath of gratitude.
You’re teaching your system: I can be okay without action. Over time, the mind quiets and presence increases - not by force, but by familiarity.
Replace Judgment with Self-Inquiry
When someone’s behaviour triggers you, try: “What does my judgment of them represent in me?” This reframes conflict as information, reduces projection, and grows empathy. Add an EQ chart next to your IQ chart to remember that sensing, timing, and attunement are as strategic as analysis. Result: better partnership dynamics at home and at work.
Design by Desire - Specifically
Vague goals invite procrastination. Desire-based goals pull you forward. Get sensory-specific: What exactly is it? Colour, size, how you’ll use it, where it lives in your world. Sit with the vision and let time test it. Some desires intensify; others fade as ego wants. Keep the ones that stay alive. Mark progress with a simple celebration ritual to encode identity shifts.
Map Your “first thought”
Every stress spiral starts with a cue - an initial thought that cascades into the usual storyline (unsafe → weak → shame → overwhelm). Identify that first thought and the chain it triggers. The moment it appears, you can choose not to follow it and redirect attention to a desire-aligned next action. Pair this with the stillness practice and your recovery becomes faster and cleaner.
A Weekly Rhythm that Compounds
-
Daily: The being–doing boundary (5–10 minutes).
-
Weekly: Write one “first thought” map from a real situation.
-
Bi-weekly: Update one desire with richer detail; drop one stale goal.
-
Monthly: Celebrate a micro-win - mark the step; don’t wait for the finish line.
FAQs
Isn’t stillness just avoidance?
No. Avoidance numbs; stillness notices. The practice builds tolerance for experience so you can act from clarity, not compulsion.
What if my partner thinks differently from me?
Great—use it. Add an EQ lens alongside IQ, and use self-inquiry to reduce projection. Collaboration improves when you stop turning difference into deficiency.
How do I know a desire is real?
Specificity and time. The more you detail it and sit with it, the clearer it becomes. Real desires stay alive; ego wants fade.
Bottom line: You don’t need more intensity; you need more choice. Train being, map the first thought, and let desire - not fear - set direction. The edge you’re protecting will get sharper, not duller.
