Connection with Men at Work

I led a Men's workshop a few months ago for a government organisation, which was arranged to raise awareness for Mental Health and Wellbeing in workplace.

The general trend in workplace around metal health includes self-care but doesn’t have much emphasis on connection. Connection, I feel, is critical to mental health and wellbeing.

Over the last 7 years, I have done a lot of work with men and women in the area of connection and relating. As someone who identifies himself as a man, I am fascinated by men’s experiences and men’s work. I have facilitated Men’s groups and workshops for many years, but it has always been in an environment where men who are seeking this kind of experience had willingly come to me.

This was the first time I had gone into an organisation to deliver a workshop like this, and I had no idea what to expect or even if these men were bought into the idea or were forced to be in the room in the name of Mental Health.

Once I got there and started conversing with the attendees, it was clear that they had no idea what to expect and that this was first time many of them were taking part in a ‘Men’s’ workshop.

We had 20 men in the room. First 15 min of the workshop was essentially me talking at them and I could see their eyes rolling and checking out. It felt dry and boring. 

So, I decided to throw the pre-planned structure away and improvised. 

I asked everyone in the room how they were feeling in that moment, and in came the responses - “Fine", “Good", “Fine", “Fine", “Fine", “Fine", “Good", “Fine"….

After about 8 or 10 responses, I had to intervene.

I questioned what ‘Fine’ or ‘Good’ actually meant. I challenged them if it really is the case that, as men, our vocabulary is limited to just two words when it comes to describing our feelings.

I shared my story and how every time I felt rejected in my life or felt heart broken, I used to tell myself that I would never allow anyone or anything to make me feel that way ever again. It got to a point that I stopped feeling anything – to the point that when my father passed away, I couldn’t even allow myself to feel it all or let myself cry!  

One person spoke up after that. He said, “but this is what we are told to say in society and not show our emotions because it is seen as weakness”. 

Another person said, “I don’t really want to burden anyone".

We went on to talk about just how as men we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and never ask for help or for anyone to share our burden with. 

And yet, we find it hard to say that we are Good Men!

We talked about the times when we felt hurt or rejected in our lives. 

We talked about how as men don’t tell each other how much other men’s friendship mean to us.

We talked about how each one of us needed to be that person who initiates the emotional connection with other men.

We shared stories and got to know each other.

By the end of the workshop, the room felt connected and warm. It was as if we had known each other for years. 

There was a palpable sense of starting of a brotherhood! 

I was left feeling humbled and very grateful to have an experience like that!  

ARE THERE PLACES IN YOUR LIVES, ESPECIALLY AT WORK, WHERE YOU CAN BE MORE VULNERABLE WITH MEN AND WHAT STOPS YOU FROM IT?