Components of Integrity
Integrity is a big part of what emotional adulthood is about.
Integrity with ourselves and Integrity with others
Integrity to our words
Integrity to our desires, feelings, and emotions
Integrity to our impact on the world around us
Conditioned Masculine & Feminine
Far too often, we either use our feelings and desires and skip responsibility to our word i.e. we don’t take into account our impact on people and the world around us if we don’t follow through on our commitments. This is our propensity towards the conditioned feminine.
OR
We cling to our word aka commitments in such a way that we ignore our feelings and emotions and then torture ourselves in the process i.e. we do not practice self-love. This is our propensity towards the conditioned masculine.
In both cases, however, we are coming from a lack and acting out as an emotionally underdeveloped teenager while trying to act like an adult.
To be an emotionally mature and healthy adult means we need to be able to do both i.e. love ourselves & be true to our feelings, and be true to our word and commitment, and take responsibility for the impact of our actions on the world;
AND
When we make mistakes, clean up the mess we create.
AND
When we don’t know what we are doing, ask for help!
Every action and inaction has consequences and has an impact.
When we promise that friend that we will be there and then we don’t show up because we didn’t feel like it. It has an impact.
When we go against what our heart really wants and we do things just because we had committed, we have an impact.
It could feel like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
What we often do, is, we either abandon ourselves and do things anyway because we have been conditioned (or trained) to be true to our word (This is pretty much how a lot of mindset coaching is about – “You are your word!”), or we abandon the idea of any kind of commitment because we believe any kind of structure is equivalent to a cage for our desire which needs to always feel free!
So, what is the answer?
I believe the answer is in the integration of the two.
A path that is an ongoing practice to live our lives in a way that we can stay true to our word and our heart simultaneously. When a situation arises that we can’t be true to one or the other, we use active communication and connection – both with people who are impacted by the change and with ourselves.
So, using the example above, if we promise a friend we will be there and we can no longer show up, then rather than just avoiding it we communicate and have an open and honest conversation about it. This also means that we own up to any impact we are going to have by changing the agreement. That is the courageous thing to do.
And, if we go meet that same friend because we made a commitment and even though what we truly desire is something else, then it’s our responsibility to have that conversation with ourselves and make sure that we don’t just abandon ourselves and our heart.
In the end, there is always an impact.
To be in integrity as an emotional adult is to be true to both our word and our feelings and emotions, to take ownership of the impact on others and on ourselves, and do whatever is needed to clean it up…..and also to be able to ask for help when you have no idea what you are doing 🙂